To whom it may concern:

It was just too much to verbalize
so I drew in the sky
till my pen ran out of clouds
giving disintegrating faces
to memories I shouldn't have
my past in rebuilt in scars
serve as skin's reminder
that Daddy's fairytales couldn't carry me to ecstasy

CC:
Those Knives
who minced already bruised
childhood ignorance
so there was nothing left to cut birthday cakes

In a pathetic attempt to confront honesty
honestly I guess what I'm trying to say is

I'm sorry
I know how it feels
to be lulled to sleep by persistent screaming
so loud you've never heard your own thoughts

Starving for affection
fed with tainted love

Throwing caution to the wind only for it to mock your frailty
I know
I've spent days counting minutes
haunted by the drip drop of white roses bleeding from their own thorns

so don't tell me I don't know your hurt
cause you were a dream differed and I felt you implode
eyes close
skin cold
breath shallow slow—
system shut down

Sorry I know how it feels to have your body betray you—
the only friend that could bare to stay
and your blue blood
and those white fears
and the blackest tears your eyes ever bore
to water withering high hopes
that just wont grow rubber trees

I'm sorry I couldn't say enough for all the times you were silenced

I guess I hoped,
maybe your silence could somehow spare my lungs
and blow away this city smog
but the wind can't
be the cure for never speaking up

So I'm sorry
I love you can't fill the craters
slammed doors made
glass shatter
blood raced

daddy made me cry
laughing
away the pain
so I hide in humor
jokes build bricks to seal you out
sorry
for shedding my skin
and starting over defenseless

Goodbye me,
I ride alone now

-from Ashley

-
sent from my sidekick.